Colleagues and Friends Become Subordinates: How to Lead Your Team

So, what are you supposed to do in this situation? Especially when you had genuinely friendly and easygoing relationships with your coworkers-you went to bars together, shared secrets-then suddenly, your ambition and hard work pay off, and you become the one in charge: higher up, more successful, more important. Many people get lost in this moment and think it's a binary choice: either the job or the friendship. There's no third option. But is that really true?

What You'll Likely Face

Even though your relationships with colleagues will inevitably change now that you're their manager, that doesn't mean past friendships have to be discarded. However, you will have to face the team's reaction to the change-and it won't always be positive. That's natural-after all, we all experience mixed emotions during restructurings. Specifically toward you, this might manifest as:

• Envy. There's a good chance someone on the team will think, "Why wasn't it me in that role?"-a reaction driven by hurt pride and the tendency to shift responsibility and blame onto others. It might be someone who joined the team before you, is older than you, or who also vied for your new position.

• Skepticism. Someone may distrust you as a leader and begin questioning your decisions, especially if you're younger, have less managerial experience, or can't quite measure up to the previous boss-and there could be hundreds more reasons like that.

• Caution. This can appear even in those you once considered your closest friends. It's a completely normal reaction: people don't know what to expect from you now that you're the boss, or how to behave around you. They may become like deer caught in headlights-frozen by the changes or avoiding you altogether.

• Sabotage. Usually in a passive, subtle, and veiled form rather than open defiance. Gossiping, talking behind your back, or even snitching may occur-typically initiated by informal leaders in the group or those with whom you previously had tense relationships.

• Over-familiarity. Some may be overly excited that you are the boss now, thinking it gives them license to slack off, show up late, or shirk responsibilities. They fail to realize that your friendship with them doesn't entitle them to special treatment at work.

Remember, this doesn't mean your colleagues are bad people or that your relationships are irreparably damaged. These reactions are temporary, driven by adaptation to new working conditions. Your job is to stay calm and friendly, build relationships through open dialogue, and-most importantly-not make the following mistakes.

Mistakes to Avoid When You're the New Manager of Your Former Team

Mistake 1: Acting Like a Boss and a Star

Of course, you have every right to be proud of your career success, but it's best not to flaunt it in front of your team. Arrogance, comments like "Well, I just worked harder than the rest of you," and suddenly switching from casual to formal speech ("Mr. Nicholas")-all of that is strictly off-limits. Don't forget that just a week ago, you were in their shoes. And that's actually an advantage, not a drawback-you already know the team's strengths and capabilities. Use "we" more often-say "We need to discuss the plan," or "Our current objective…" rather than setting yourself apart.

Mistake 2: Pretending Nothing Has Changed

People aren't fools-they know things have changed, and significantly so. What matters is not the fact of change itself, but how you frame it-as something that can (and will) lead to positive outcomes. This doesn't mean immediately cutting yourself off from the group, hiding in your office, and addressing everyone by last name. But you should nip it in the bud when someone says, "Relax, I'll do it later," and you should start holding yourself to the same standard. No more gossip in the break room, complaints about upper management, or idling at your desk. Focus on your responsibilities and make sure others do the same-as any good manager should.

Mistake 3: Implementing Changes Immediately

You've probably thought before, "If I were the boss, I'd change everything." And now you can-just not right away. Certainly not during the adjustment period. The only thing people dislike more than a new boss is new rules. Even if you say, "We discussed this before and agreed it'd be better this way," abrupt changes will trigger an instinctive defense of the old ways-even if no one liked them in the first place.

Mistake 4: Taking On Everything or Delegating Too Much

Some think the biggest perk of being in charge is offloading tasks onto others. And sure, you can choose a trusted person to handle things that don't require your direct input-but make sure such contributions are recognized, and that you don't overdo it. On the flip side, you might try to handle everything yourself, eager to prove your dedication and outshine your predecessor. But this leads straight to burnout and a lopsided team dynamic. Everyone should continue fulfilling their own roles, just as before.

How to Manage Your Team: 5 Key Tips

In the course "The Perfect Manager. Create a Team Development Strategy", you'll learn how to be an effective leader who earns both respect and affection, master conflict management, team building, and much more. Leading a team that you used to be a part of isn't all that different from managing one as a newly appointed outsider. Here's what you should do as soon as your colleagues become your subordinates:

• Hold an Informal "Re-Introduction" Meeting

It's important that everyone feels comfortable and unhurried, so do it either before or after work. Sure, they know you-but they know you as a peer. Now, you're the manager, so you need to reintroduce yourself in that role. This marks the beginning of a new, crucial phase of trust-building. During this meeting:

1. Clarify that you're not planning to become a tyrant or make sudden changes. The only thing that's changed is your responsibility-you're now accountable for the team's results, and you'll help distribute tasks, monitor progress, etc.

2. Ask team members to openly share their ideas or concerns if something ever feels uncomfortable. Show your openness.

3. Discuss what happened and how you became the boss. People appreciate honesty. Don't downplay it or say "I don't know how it happened." No one will believe that anyway.

4. Use humor. Present yourself the same way you always have. If you've always been the funny one, don't try to suddenly seem serious and "respectable." Don't change your tone or behavior-what matters most is consistency.

5. Gather ideas and suggestions. Say that since you're the new manager, you're open to changes and would love to hear what people think or want to bring into the workplace.

You can also hold one-on-one meetings if that's more comfortable for you or your team. In any case, frame it as a kind of mini-celebration-an opportunity to make the company and team better. Thank those who supported you, highlight your colleagues' strengths, praise them, and add a relaxed touch with tea or homemade treats. Just don't let it feel like a regular team meeting.

• Monitor Team Productivity and Morale for the First Month

The first week is especially crucial. Are colleagues performing at their usual level? How do they behave during breaks? How do they interact with you? What does their body language say (nonverbal communication is vital, and you can learn how to read it with the "NLP in Sales" course)? Step out of your office during downtime, take walks, ask about their work-and their well-being. Take note of subtle signs of dissatisfaction-like not being invited to a team lunch you'd normally attend.

If you see too many warning signs that don't fade within two weeks, hold a follow-up meeting to clear the air. Share your observations and concerns, and remind everyone they're free to do the same.

Important: One month is more than enough time for people to get used to a new manager. If issues persist beyond that, you may need to identify and address the source of disruptive behavior-or accept that sometimes, choosing between work and friendship becomes inevitable.

• Host a Team Dinner or Outing at Week's End

Or lunch. Or a picnic. Just do something you used to do as a team-but now as the leader. This shows that some things remain unchanged: your kindness, sincerity, trust in your colleagues (now subordinates), and your commitment to unity and shared success. Talk about how you felt during the week, and ask how it went for them. In a relaxed setting, it may be easier for your team to open up, share thoughts or frustrations, and get used to the idea that while you now lead the team, you're still part of it. Given that any change causes stress, something familiar-like a team outing-can help ease the transition.

Of course, it's important to stay open and friendly, but just as important is setting firm boundaries. Don't let "I'll do it later" or "Well, you're the boss now, so it's fine" slide. Always respond with, "This role comes with responsibilities-so unfortunately, we all still need to work like we always have," and immediately shift the focus back to work: "Speaking of which, have you finished X and Y?" It's crucial to establish yourself as a good, fair, and appropriately firm leader in the first month-just like a first impression, it will stick for life. So make it count.