Embrace self-love to extend love to others

This cherished tradition, believed to have originated more than 16 centuries ago, is celebrated each February 14th as a time to express affection to your partner, exchange meaningful gifts, and enjoy a romantic candlelit evening together. However, loving ourselves can often feel a lot more challenging than loving others.

We are quick to uplift our partners, comfort them during tough times, and offer encouragement when things go awry. However, it tends to be much harder to extend words of love to ourselves and to provide ourselves with the same support. Self-love is the foundation for healthy, harmonious relationships-both with your partner and those around you.

Let's discover how to embrace self-love, conquer insecurity, and boost our self-esteem. Here are some simple but powerful tips from the Lectera experts!

Tip 1. Praise yourself more often!

Writing compliments down is an extremely effective approach, and you don't need to expect praise from others! Grab a dedicated journal and a pen, and start listing the things you're proud of. Start by identifying at least five to seven positive traits that define you. For instance, you might be punctual, responsible, sympathetic, compassionate, and so forth. Back up each trait with one or two personal tales to validate it. For example, if you're hardworking, describe how you consistently take on extra tasks, derive satisfaction from your accomplishments, and actively pursue growth in your profession.

Next, create another separate list focusing on the accomplishments you've achieved in life so far. These might include enrolling in or graduating from university, getting a promotion, learning a new language, or mastering a professional skill. Take your time with this-there's no need to rush. Your list is likely to grow quite lengthy, and that's a good thing. Reflecting on your achievements will help you recognise your worth, rebuild self-respect, and enhance your confidence. You've already accomplished so much, and countless opportunities are still waiting for you.

Establish a routine-at the end of each week, fortnight, or month, take a moment to compile a list of what you've achieved and learned during that time. This practice will help you to eliminate any sense of wasted time, doubts, or confusion. Likewise, it will encourage you to appreciate your efforts, acknowledge the significance of your actions, and respect yourself for the important decisions you've made.

Tip 2. Set aside a day just for yourself

Set aside one day each week, or at least once a month, to focus entirely on yourself. Dedicate these 24 hours to your interests and desires, free from concerns about others. Avoid forcing yourself into activities that do not appeal to you or bring you joy. Instead, indulge in the things that make you happy. Enjoy a bag of crisps, chocolate cake, or a burger if it brings you happiness.

Make a concerted effort to set aside all your responsibilities and commitments for at least a day if you want nothing significant to occur during this time. It's advisable to organise this short day for yourself after you have completed all urgent tasks and met deadlines, ensuring that you won't be easily distracted. On this day, consider switching off your phone, engaging in a digital detox, and taking time for yourself with activities like meditation, reading a book, or watching your favourite television series, followed by an evening jog. However, you needn't isolate yourself-you may enjoy a concert, have lunch with friends, or attend the theatre. The key is to break free from everyday chores like cooking, cleaning, and work, allowing yourself to reconnect and rejuvenate your inner resources.

Tip 3. Treat yourself to gifts

Numerous days throughout the year extend beyond just holidays and special events, such as promotions, job changes, and moving. Treat yourself not only on significant occasions but also just because you are you. We're not suggesting extravagant splurges like cars, cutting-edge gadgets, or designer jewellery. Instead, consider small, uplifting presents, such as a decorative piece for your home, a charming trinket, a scoop of your favourite ice cream, dinner at a beloved restaurant, or a bouquet of flowers for yourself. It's often better to choose something you can use daily so that every time you see or touch the item, it serves as a reminder of your value. In this way, the gift symbolises your worth and boosts your confidence.

Tip 4. Always try new things

Consider exploring activities you haven't attempted before. These could be as simple as trying a new recipe or watching a horror film you've always hesitated to see. Essentially, seek to surprise yourself! Experiment with music genres you've previously ignored-perhaps give rock, rap, or jazz a listen.

Equally essential is the pursuit of new hobbies, which broaden your perspectives, connect you with new people, and allow you to explore different areas of life. Consider activities such as swimming or horse riding, learning French, or joining a billiards or oil painting workshop. Take some time to reflect on what you have always wanted to try. This new endeavour could become an outlet to boost your self-confidence and unlock your creative potential.

Tip 5. Write a letter to yourself

Another effective technique for maintaining faith in yourself during tough times is to write a letter to yourself. Save it and reread it only when you are having challenging days when nothing seems to work, everything feels out of your control, and you appear to have almost run out of strength.

This letter should convey words of support and care, written from an external perspective rather than your own. For instance, consider phrasing it as follows: "I understand that you are currently facing a challenging time. This is tough for you, but it will pass. A brighter period is on the horizon; for now, summon your will and strength. You can overcome all the challenges ahead; there isn't much longer for this to go on. I believe in you and admire your efforts." This message should encourage you to feel compassion, love, and care for yourself. It's best to write it by hand, imagining it has come from a loyal ally-your best friend-who wants you to look after your well-being, has faith in you and looks forward to a brighter future for you. Therefore, it's essential to choose your words thoughtfully, speak to yourself with affection, and maintain a tone of understanding. Always strive to be kind to yourself and others, steering clear of any additional negativity, as there is already a great deal of negativity around us.

Tip 6. Accept your feelings

Keeping a daily mood journal is an excellent method to improve mental well-being, achieve deeper self-awareness, and build confidence. Avoid suppressing your emotions-don't shy away from feelings such as anger, fear, resentment, or sadness, even if they are deemed negative. Instead, focus on experiencing and processing them healthily, beginning with being mindful of your feelings.

All you need is a journal and a pen-writing down your thoughts and feelings by hand can be especially effective. A simple and practical method for journaling is to use a table format. For instance, it might look something like this:

In the first column, detail the particular trigger that caused these feelings and influenced how you felt. This might include actions taken by a loved one, a colleague, or even a stranger, words directed at you, resurfacing memories, or any other event or circumstance.

In the next column, take a moment to reflect on your thoughts and describe in detail the emotions and feelings that emerged from the event. Be as precise and honest as possible, portraying your experiences without exaggeration or distortion-capture them exactly as they happened. Also, pay attention to how your body physically responds to these emotions. For instance, anger might lead to clenched fists, nervousness could result in lip-biting or finger-snapping, and other emotions might cause changes in temperature, stiffness, or muscle tension. Tune in to these physical cues.

Finally, in the last column, identify effective and practical ways to handle the situation. Focus on transforming negative thoughts into positive or, at the very least, into neutral ones.

Keeping a feelings journal can help you approach situations with greater mindfulness, manage emotional outbursts, alleviate anxiety, and remain true to yourself. For the best results, make regular entries-preferably daily or at least three to four times a week. Additionally, take time to review your entries, critically analysing and reflecting on them. Look for evidence that supports your thoughts and uncover the deeper reasons behind your feelings rather than merely recounting events.

Tip 7. Stop comparing yourself to others

As humans living in society, we naturally compare ourselves to others. However, this tendency serves little purpose, as each person's journey, career, and aspirations are uniquely their own. Our diverse backgrounds, perspectives, and values shape us in individual ways. Instead of chasing standards set by others, it is far more rewarding to concentrate on your own path and goals. This is why it is crucial not to dwell on others' opinions or allow them to influence how you see yourself.

If you find it difficult to stop comparing yourself to others, consider redirecting your attention inward by reflecting on your former self. Examining your growth over the past year and exploring new experiences can reveal numerous reasons to feel proud of who you are.

Tip 8. Say goodbye to perfectionism

Striving for perfection, fearing mistakes, and being excessively sensitive to setbacks can hinder your development, heighten anxiety, and exacerbate self-criticism and low self-esteem. It is vital to acknowledge that no one can consistently excel, always be the best, or entirely avoid making mistakes.

One unconventional approach to tackling perfectionism is to intentionally make small, harmless mistakes with a sense of purpose. Of course, this doesn't mean jeopardising major responsibilities, like mishandling a critical negotiation meeting or submitting a flawed quarterly report. Instead, address perfectionism in ways that carry minimal consequences. For instance, perfectionists are often impeccably dressed, neat, and well-groomed. Challenge yourself by venturing out in an unironed shirt, allowing a strand of hair to fall loose, or rolling up your trousers unevenly. Although this may feel uncomfortable, embracing these moments helps you cultivate a more relaxed attitude towards imperfections and accept them with ease.

Cultivating self-love is a challenging and gradual journey. By prioritising yourself, attending to your feelings, and providing them with the care they deserve, you will find a sense of harmony within yourself and with the world around you. Embrace your imperfections as well as your strengths, recognising that even your less favourable traits are integral parts of who you are. Only when you nurture self-worth, a sense of wholeness, and inner peace can you develop genuine and trusting relationships with others.